Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Am I even pregnant?

Hi, like how I have these month long hiatuses and then come back and swear I'll never go that long without blogging again?  Well this time I'm not even going to bother pretending.  I wish I could say this is going to be an exciting post to cherish for the next month that I'll probably be off sitting on the couch and picking my butt, but it's just some rambling about my parasite.

One of the disadvantages of being a big broad is I take forevs to show when I'm pregnant.  I think I was like 7 months pregnant before Violet was detectable by anyone but me and maybe 6 with Leela.  Woo!  If the pattern continues I'll only have to wait half my pregnancy for a bump this time!

Anyway, I'm at that awkward phase now where I'm not morning sick, I'm not feeling distinct kicks, I'm not showing, I'm not in pain, I'm not swollen, I'm not even really that hormonal.  I'm not even sure I'm pregnant to be honest.

I've only had one midwife appointment at about 13 weeks and I heard its heart beat back then, but that was back then!  It could have kicked the bucket the next day and is just hanging out for all I know.  I go 6 weeks between appointments so for those 6 weeks I kinda just pretend I'm not pregnant.

I think this baby's placenta might be in the front of my belly this time because I was undeniably feeling Violet by now, and I actually owned a set of abs back then.  Not toned or pretty abs, but abs nonetheless.  This one, I've been feeling, uh, maybe something, for a week-week-and-a-half.  Maybe.  I'm just really not sure.

It's not helping my pregnancy psychosis and paranoia one bit.  I always spend the first 20 weeks convinced I'm growing a squitten or a mutant rabbit human hybrid a la Frank.  Or a colony of cyclopes morphed into a single baby thing.  Or a human baby with no head or skin.  Or sometimes I let my mind settle with just a plain human baby with some tragic heart defect or lung malformation.  I've been especially paranoid this pregnancy for some reason because of the lack of movement and showing and possibly because I'm still very much in denial that I ever saw a positive test.

Could I be gestating this?

I have no idea where I was going with any of that but now I'm thinking about how much I would love to birth a squitten.  Or a unicorn!  Random fact:  A unicorn's horn does not begin forming until around 6 months of age.  Lucky for momma unicorn's innards, right?!

Oh yeah, so my only real symptom, that isn't even really that apparent now because I've been sick for 3 damn weeks, is this damn runny nose.  I always get so snotty during pregnancy.  It blows (nyuk nyuk)!  I have a midwife appointment next week and the ultrasound two weeks after that, so hopefully I'll hear a heartbeat and see a healthy baby, rather than finding a rapidly growing tumor and finding out I'm suddenly immunodeficient like I suspect.

A squitten, for your enjoyment. 

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