Sunday, May 20, 2012

Harvey D: Douche Detector

I've gotten seriously mixed reviews whenever I tell someone we're considering the name Harvey for the he-tus.

Some people love it and say they love grandparent names and can totally see me with a Harvey.  Some people just politely say, "Oh, cool" when it's obvious they don't really like it but don't want to be rude, because it's not their kid.

Then there's the people who tell me, "You realize he's going to get made fun, right?"...  Really?  Who exactly is going to make fun of him?  Douches like you?

You're a kid for exactly 18 years.  During that time, other kids will make fun of you for something.  Anything.  I was fat - EASY.  This one kid in elementary school constantly smelled like piss - EASY.  One boy cried all the time - EASY.  There were a buncha kids that got made fun of for eating boogers or not brushing their hair or wearing sweatpants every day - EASY!  If Harvey gets made fun of for his name, I'll be glad because that means I've managed to save him from the role of Smelly/Fat/Ugly/Gross/Poor/Wimpy Kid.  If he makes it out of high school still alive and not completely battered by all those mean kids making fun of his old man name, then he'll be an adult, with an adult name, for the majority of his life.  Imagine that!

Secondly, being made fun of for his name will give Harvey a good gauge for douchery.  If we end up definitely naming him that, I'll be sure to tell him who made fun of him in utero!  Because when I hear an adult say "He'll get made fun of", I hear "I'm making fun of him!".  Six year olds can't possibly know that the last time Harvey was a popular name was 1940, but if they do and they tease him then I'll remind him that's not the type of person you want to be friends with anyway.

And last, let's take a look at who Harvey's classmates will be anyway.  There will be the Same Name group over in one corner - Aiden, Caden, Jayden, Brayden.  There will be the ever popular Biblical Names - Levi, Eli, Noah, Jacob, James, David.  The X's - Max, Xavier, Felix, Jaxon, Xander, Dexter.  And at the lunch same table with them will be all the Hipster Kids - Sebastian, Oliver, Milo, Kingston, Asher, Hugo, Rufus, Elvis, Hudson.  And smelling each other's farts in the bathroom will be the Creative Spellings and the Made Up Names - Ethen, Kamren, Konner, Ulises, Izayah, Van, Kohen, Brecken, Jagger, Hendrix, Nixon, Kash. These are all from the Top 1000 list from 2011!  I'm hardly worried about Harvey being the worst name out there.

So there, all you naysayers.  Stop acting like you care about my kid being made fun of and just admit you're either really boring, really narrow-minded, or just really immature and like to make fun of infants.

1 comment:

  1. My brother named his kid Rocket. And that was tacked onto on already strange last name, Credit. So this kid could potentially be called Rocky Credit. Not exactly a warrior name. So it could always be worse. You should tell the haters that Harvey is actually short for Harvarius or Harvington. And then watch their face contort as they try to refrain from being rude.


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