Hey asshole Warehouse shoppers. Fuck you.

It's the annual "Annoy The Warehouse Members By Asking Them To Donate One Whole Dollar to Children's Miracle Network" time at The Warehouse that employs me.  These assholes come in here and blow $400 on cheesecakes and shoes and fancy colored ceramic serving bowls with fancy fucking lids, and use their $35 worth of coupons, and then I ask them if they'd like to donate a dollar to help the children and they look at me as if to say "You think I can afford to just give money away?  I have children of my own and a mortgage and a 4 pack of beach chairs to support."

My favorite responses:

I already gave last time.  Well, you can give this time too.  Give some little cancer kid a pack of crayons or a second of chemo or some hope or something.  Thanks a lot for your one time one dollar donation, douche.

I'd rather donate to something else, like breast cancer.  My mother died of breast cancer.  That's sad and I'm sorry to hear that, but did you know your mother was a child once?  Yup!  I bet she even got sick once or twice.  Good thing she didn't get too sick though or else she wouldn't have had the chance to spawn generous you from her loins and you wouldn't have had the chance to stand in front of me and explain why you're the biggest cheapskate ever.

I already donate enough to them, I work there.  Oh, you're right.  I won't ask you to donate a single dollar of your doctor salary every again.  Oh and one more thing, IT'S A DOLLAR.  You don't even have to sign the stupid balloon if you don't want to.

Do I get anything?  Ok, valid question I guess.  Some stores give scratch-offs with coupons in exchange for your dollar donation.  That's hardly a donation though.  That's just buying a coupon.  Where's the feel-good in that?  Do people even know how to be kind?  By sharing ONE GODDAMN DOLLAR with a sick child?


Seriously people, it's just a dollar.  If every person that came into The Warehouse donated a dollar today, it'd be like $1500.  If the people who "donated last time" donated every time they came into The Warehouse, it'd be like $4 a month.  People really can't give that?