I am Socially Awkward Penguin

My apologies to anyone who has already heard today's story of social retardation. I've been telling it to everyone to hear a few laughs to help lessen the pain of embarassment.

(Background: I drive a forklift at Costco on the weekends.)

So this morning, I'm at work, and I noticed I was getting some merchandise in.  I wanted to ask my manager if it was going to be a whole shit-ton of pallets like last weekend, so I wanted to use a big number, like 85 million.  When I was asking him though, my brain just ceased all function, and I just said the digits. 

"Are we getting 8... 5..."

I couldn't figure out how to recover from this obvious clutterfuck of a "sentence", so I didn't even try.  I just stopped and drove away.  I glanced back at him as I was driving away and he had a very obvious look of wtf-just-happened smeared across his face.

The only other time I can remember feeling like such a complete and utter moron is when I was at my post-partum check up after Leela.  My midwife asked how everything was, and I replied, "It's all good,..."  Then as I said it I guess I kind of realized I was surrounded by pictures and 3D models of vaginas, and felt it appropriate to finish my sentence up with "... it's all good in the clitoral hood."

WHY AM I ALLOWED IN PUBLIC PLACES?

P.S.  For those of you who don't know SAP, here and you're welcome.