Thursday, September 22, 2011

I'm getting Joe some of those TV Ears for Christmas

Holy craaaaaaap I haven't updated in forever!  I just haven't had anything to talk about because I've had a really lazy week or two and haven't actually interacted with people in a while.

And speaking of crap, I have a little TMI-licious story to share.


Joe:  Home from work, walks in front door, as I'm walking away from front door.

k8:  Hi, I have to poop and then take a shower, do you need me for anything first?

Joe:  What?  No?

k8:  In bathroom with door closed and shower running.  Pooping.

Joe:  Opening door slowly.  Oh, I do need to pee before you get a sho...

k8:  IMPOOPINGSHUTTHEFUCKINGDOORGETOUT

Joe:  Ewwwww I heard it!  What the fuck!  Why didn't you tell me you were pooping!  *dies a little*


This is what I live with.  The man doesn't hear a single word I say to him ever, and then when he has to deal with the repercussions of not hearing listening to me, he freaks out.  HOW do you not hear me say loud and clear that I am about to do my business, but you have the perfect timing to hear a quiet little poop sound over screaming children and a running shower?  Because.  Men are retarded.  Another one of my favorites is when I will ask him to hand me something that is directly next to him ("Can you hand me the diaper by your foot?") then he walks away from it looking for anything I might need because he only heard "hand me".  Or when I say his name 4 times trying to get his attention, then I finally YELL his name, and he's all "Why are you yelling at me?!  You can't just start talking to me when I'm not paying attention!!"

So I wanna get him some of those TV Ears for old people and keep it on Volume 11 so he won't have a choice but to hear what I say to him!  Or maybe they could come up with an anti-selective-hearing For Married Men edition that absorbs and interprets every word I say that he misses (all of them) and shoots instructive electrode shocks into his brain through his ears so he can't say he didn't hear me when I told him we're going to my mother's for dinner this weekend.  Yup.  Get working on that TV Ears!

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