Friday, September 9, 2011

Obligatory Potty Training Post

Hey Nature!  High five for making this week-long rainfall coincide with the depletion of Violet's diaper supply!!

We've been stuck inside all week so I decided to take advantage and take a stab at potty training.  Errr, my intention wasn't really to potty train, because that sounds entirely too ambitious.  But I figured I would put her in undies and pretend for a week that I don't mind cleaning up puddles of piss on the floor, and if at some point in this week she happened to take a preference to putting that pee in the potty then I'd push it, but if not then I'd just "squeeze" her little tush in Leela's diapers (I say "squeeze" because Leela has the biggest ass of any 7 month old ever and Violet fits in her size 4 Huggies better than Leela).

Day 1:  Monday was Labor Day, so I took the day off from the non-essential momming.  Basically I changed diapers and fed them and then let them "work out their problems on their own" in the morning, then in the afternoon we headed to my mom's for an indoor cookout where I proceeded to stuff myself full of egg salad and hamburgers and throw my children to my mother.  So pee cleaning was not even on the radar for this day.  Off to a good start!

Day 2:  Tuesday, Violet woke up and I removed her 8 pound diaper and just never put one back on.  By nap time we had one puddle in the kitchen chair, one river following the length of the hallway, and one pair of Foofa undies holding up a shit-tail.  After nap I delayed her Pull-up removal a little while, then she freeballed it with no accidents until her bedtime Pull-up which I'm sure was soaked before that cute little booty even touched the sheets.

Day 3:  Re-read Day 2, but add a defeated Me sitting on the sidelines, ready to call the whole thing off.

Day 4:  Thursday, Violet wised up to the fact that she doesn't like wet undies or legs, and she DEFINITELY doesn't like getting a bath every time she wets herself (she may or may not be bath-averse and I may or may not have been using that in hopes of scaring her dry), and decides to hold it ALL. Morning. Long.  With nap time comes Pull-up time, and imagine that, all her business was waiting for me when she woke up!  I had been trying to coerce her to the potty using stickers, which was mildly exciting for her, but at the suggestion of a friend, decided to break out the big prizes after lunch.  You see this half of an Oreo?  You sit on that potty in front of hours of the television show of your choice and you can have this half of an Oreo.  You want the other half?  Pee then, goddamnit.  She never did get that other half.

After dinner though, we were sitting in the living room doing family-sitting-in-the-living-room stuff, and Violet's cheeks let out a magical little toot right in front of my face.  Lovely.  I casually suggested she go fart on the potty, 100% expecting a "Nnnnooooo" and a grump face.  She went into the bathroom and plopped herself down on that seat and I went about my business because I was sooo over her teasing me with the potty "attempts".  Then I look over at Joe's face (who is standing outside the bathroom door) and to see the delight on his face you would have thought he just saw a pair of beer-filled boobs.  "She's actually going!  Oh my god, she's peeing!  Did you hear her?  She just said something about water coming out of her hooha!!"  No shit?!  No shit!  I was so proud of that single pee that I almost wanted to cry.  I probably would have cried if Joe wouldn't have made fun of me.  Instead we celebrated with ice cream and dancing and high fives all around.

Day 5:  Today, Friday, we woke up and I removed her 6 pound Pull-up and put a fresh pair of purple undies with rainbow waistband.  NO ACCIDENTS!  But only because she held it until nap time and let loose in her Pull-up.  After nap, again, NO ACCIDENTS!  But not a single drop in the potty either.  I just put her to bed half an hour ago in her Pull-up and can only assume she's swimming in it now.

I'm not sure where the kid gets her stubbornness from, but I sure as hell will never admit she gets it from me.

Bathrooms are for face-makin, not pee-peein.  Duh.

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