Thursday, August 9, 2012

3 year old innocence + 37 weeks hormones = Mom mush.

Today I convinced Violet to curl up on my lap and watch Max and Ruby so I could have a quick snooze.  I sat with my legs stretched out on the couch and my head back on the arm rest, and plopped her down on my legs with her head resting on my chest just below my neck, with my arms wrapped around her and resting on her hip.

I woke up about 45 minutes later to feel drool running down the side of my face.  I'm such a charming sleeper!  I also found that Violet had passed out along with me.  In my sleep I had semi-reclined to an almost horizontal position and Violet took the opportunity to stretch out on me.  Her head was still high on my chest, but she had rolled her belly over halfway onto my belly and stretched her legs out long.  First I noticed how big she is all of a sudden - her feet were resting on my shins!  She used to fit inside of me and now here she is taking up two thirds of my body!  And for the love of Maury Povich is she heavy all of a sudden.  The right side of my body was half tingling and half numb and I couldn't even lift her enough to army roll out from under her.  Then I saw how peaceful her little freckled face was and decided I had to lay there until she woke up, even though my neck felt like it was the only thing holding up a big fat pregnant lady (oh hey, it was).  It's not often during these 3-year-old days that I get to see her looking like an angel.

My right arm was still wrapped around her (I couldn't feel it but I could see it) but my left one had migrated to rest on little Harvey's butt.  He was kicking and rolling all around and moving my arm up and down and punching Violet in the gut.  Of course she had no clue but I got a kick out of it, imagining a year or two from now when he's going to be purposefully punching her in the gut because she stole his Handy Manny doll.

Watching her interact with her baby brudder has been the best part of this pregnancy.  When I was pregnant with Leela, she noticed my belly bulging and kissed it if I told her to, but she didn't get that inside there was The Destroyer of Only Child-dom.  She wasn't all that interested in Leela after she was born either.  Actually sometimes I still don't think she's Leela's biggest fan, but she deals with her now.

With this pregnancy though, she's really taking notes.  She talks about baby brudder and talks to him.  She swears she can see him through my belly button and apparently he drinks a lot of orange juice inside there, and once he was driving a bus (maybe he is, it feels like it sometimes).

She has tried helping with his name.  For a long time she said his name was Harvey Harrison Fullerton.  Now he's just Baby Brudder.  I'm hoping that when (if) Joe and I come up with a middle name or two that we like, we'll let her be the deciding factor.  As long as she doesn't try to suggest something like Muno instead.

One day, I caught her walking around with one of her baby dolls head down between her knees and asked her what she was doing.  She told me "A baby brudder popped out of my hooha!".  It was a magic moment for me for some reason, to know that she gets that there is an actual baby inside of me and he is actually going to come out of me and then be her baby brother.  We'll have to work on understanding that she will not have any babies coming from her for a long time though, ha.

Another day she was in the shower with me, playing with her mermaid while I was rinsing my hair.  She needed to rinse her mermaid's hair but my behemoth belly was hogging up all the water.  She very matter-of-factly looked my belly straight in the button and said, "Scuse me baby brudder, you're blocking all the water."  I love how polite she is to him!  She says she can't wait to help get him dressed and change his diapers, I hope that doesn't change.  And diaper time should be especially fun with the whole penis thing.

It seems like she's genuinely excited this time.  Whenever she sees her baby cousin, she goos and gahs at him, mimicking how she sees other people with him.  That's the cool thing about 3 - when I see her acting all lovey dovey, I know it's because me and the people around her act lovey dovey with her.  Although I hope her complete impatience and intolerance to Leela being near any toys ever is not a reflection on me.  We'll pretend she got that from some kid on the playground.

Not to sound like the biggest hormonal vagina ever, but seeing her laying on top of me and Harvey today and thinking about how almost 4 years ago she used to be the one looking like a Bingo roller inside me and now she's joking about birthing baby dolls, it pulled at my heart strings just a little.  Four more years from now she's going to be building solar system dioramas for school and Harvey will be the one making goofy fart jokes.  And I'll be growing an ice cream baby, lamenting my bygone baby-making days.  It's fun to watch them grow and each have their own role in the family and learn to treat their brother and sisters with love, but it's sad knowing in the future there will be hilarious things Violet said or cute faces Leela made or weird Michael Jackson fetus moves Harvey did and I won't be able to remember every single one.  Seeing Violet's sudden growth today reminded me that I need to laugh harder and play louder and cuddle softer when these moments arise.

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