Monday, July 11, 2011

Bouffant Buffet

Buffet restaurants are disgusting.  I've caught the shittles from one particular buffet TWICE and yet I still subject myself to these places.

Tonight Joe and I went to Golden Corral... meh.  It was 530 pm and I had gotten up for the day at 3am and had only eaten two trail mix bars all day and I was so hungry I could eat my own face so I was not about to stand there and cook a meal.  WHY I would agree to (and even insist on after the idea was in my head!) a buffet I still don't know.  I mean, even McDonald's is higher up on the food chain. 

So we're eating, and I look over at Joe fingering something in his food, and he pulls out this 8 inch blondish hair.  Well I had picked that salad up for him, and I do have blondish areas in my hair, and I do lose hair all the time...

Then 10 minutes later we're still eating, and I feel something funny tickling my lips from inside my mouth.  I stopped chewing my mystery meat fried rice for a second to feel whatever was on my lip, then I felt something and gave a little tug, then I felt the (horrifyingly familiar) feeling of a hair sliding out from my throat.  It had pieces of chewed up food all connected to it.  It was lovely.  This one was very long and very dark and would not pass for coming from my head.  For a second after I pulled it out I kept chewing that mouthful of food as if nothing had happened, because I'm gross like that, haha.

Soooooo all night I've been trying to figure out why even after those hairs, and after watching a little boy take a spoon out of the gummy bear bowl to get it out of his way so he could see which color gummy bears he wanted to pull out with his bare hand instead, why do I still love me some all-you-can-eat buffets?  Denial!  I refuse to believe that that sneeze guard doesn't do its job, and that people wash their hands often, and that they sneeze into their elbows or shoulders and not their hands, and that parents don't let their grimy little kidlets go to the buffet by theirdamnselves.  Because how can you possibly argue a spoonful of 30 different entrees, sides and desserts?!  I can't!

1 comment:

  1. MORE!!

    Quick story. I worked in a buffet restaurant and this lady eating there apparently had a . . . gut removal procedure? Not gastric or lap band, but sort of a tummy tuck for people 400+. I only know this because as I was eating my ice cream on my break, she described the hacking off of her gut in detail. Not appetizing.

    Good work!


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