I want to write down my random thoughts at the end of each day, and share embarassing stories about myself. Random thoughts include: is it racial profiling or are black people just better dancers?, why do I automatically compare everything that disgusts me to foods that I adore?, and SERIOUSLY, why aren't more people afraid of bugs crawling into their body holes?. Embarassing stories include the time I talked to my boss for like 5 minutes then as I was walking away realized that my [bra-covered, thankfully] boob was literally hanging out, the time I told my midwife that everything was "all good in the clitoral hood", The Garlic Incident, or how I locked myself out of the house 3 damn times this summer and it's only been summer for like a month. These are all opportunities that my blog missed out on because for some reason I just can't keep up a blog.
There's a couple things that stop me from blogging every time:
1. I can't decide on a name. Or if I do decide on a name, it's lame. I've been thinking on a name for a blog for like 5 months now, and do you fucking see what I settled with? Yeah, abozubgo - a word I made up when I was 17 fucking years old, that doesn't even have a meaning, you just use it in place of random abozubgos (see what I did there?!). The only other name I came up with that I even half liked was Roll Model, but then I decided a) that won't work since I'm losing weight finally, and b) it'd be a much better name for Tyra's next model competition show. Anyway, my mind just completely blanked. What was I talking about? Oh, blog name. So abozubgo it is for now, but hopefully it'll change, and maybe one day I'll stumble upon something I like permanently. OH! And about the blog url... eunuchhorn. Unicorns are my favorite animal. Eunuch horns could be another word for a penis, and penises make me laugh. And unicorn horns are pretty phallic anyway. (Side track: are those things on top of a unicorns head called a horn or a corn? Now that I'm looking at root words and prefixes and shit I have myself confused.) Anyway, I dunno. I was thinking about unicorns but I didn't just want my blog url to be "unicorn.blogspot.com", soooo I spelled it a different way I guess. Whatever. No one is reading this still anyway.
Solution: I'm going to pretend I don't give a crap what the blog is named.
2. I tend to ramble and lose track of what the hell I was talking about (as demonstrated by point #1) and then just decide to delete all of the nonsense and then either my computer dies or I get distracted by something shiny or I just fall asleep.
Solution: I'm going to pretend I don't care if people think I'm stupid and I'll just post my long lists of stupid shit anyway.
3. I TRY to be funny. I'm told I'm funny on occasion (only when communicating by some form of text because in person I am soooo duuuummmmb for some reason) but it's 96% unintentional. I just type what I'm thinking and it happens to be funny. But for some reason when I'm writing my blog, it seems so much more permanent than if I'm texting someone or like writing a post on a messageboard.... as if people are going to go back and read my blog posts over and over... yeah right. So anyway, I get all self-conscious and TRY to be funny and end up flopping.
Solution: I'm not sure. I'm trying really hard not to edit myself right now and to not even use the backspace button or pause to think or anything, but as I'm typing I'm thinking about the last sentence I typed and whether or not I sounded like an idiot or if it was funny or what. Actually I guess the solution is to accept that most likely no one is going to read anything I ever write so it really doesn't matter. Zing!
4. I can't think of anything to write when I sit down to actually write. What's up with that? It's like, I can tell Violet the most magical bedtime story about an astronaut in space and a submarine falling in love but they can't be together because one is an Orioles fan and the other is a Yankees fan, NEVERMIND the thousands of miles or atmospheres between them (and also, how did they even meet?), but then they realize they both share the love of hotdogback riding and overcome adversity and live happily ever after. But if I sat down to write a blog about something that actually exists or a thought I actually had? Plllrrrbbbbbtttt.
Solution: Would it be lame to keep notes in my phone to remind me of things to write about in a blog? Or would that be taking myself too seriously? Hmmm, must explore this option.
5. I don't want people to actually read what I have to say. Not real life people at least. Not internet people either sometimes. But at the same time, I want everyone to read what I have to say because I'm a little bit of a narcissist and hey, MAYBE people will read my blog and their insides will swell up with adoration. But I'm also completely insecure and have a greater expectation that people will read my blog and just think "wtf."
Solution: Only let a few people read it.... for now?
Anyway, so I can't think of anything else to list and I'm bad with transitions, and I don't even have a next point to transition into anyway, so I'm going to make up a word. Oxdiesel. That's the future of the energy industry right there. (ok, I guess I kinda just put two words together rather than making up a word, but I don't see YOU making up any words, so bite me)
I just remembered something I wanted to say. I blogged about my pregnancy with Violet and it was pretty hilarious. You can read it on my myspace page, if you feel so inclined. Any entry about Growing a Blueberry is about Violet's time in my innards. (Side note: Do people use myspace at all anymore? I remember a time when I thought facebook was lame. Ha!) So I wanted to blog about my second pregnancy too. I started it but, surprise surprise, I never shared it with anyone because I thought it was lame. I also hated the name of it, and didn't make many entries into it, and all that other stuff I just listed as reasons for why I don't blog. But I went back and read it just now and I kinda like it! Now I wish I had shared it! But it's too late. So I'll share it now here, and I will also share this here abozubgo blog. Reluctantly.
Omg why am I still typing? Here's another made up word. Eesalkai. That's means goodbye.