Saturday, July 9, 2011


So Violet is terrified of bugs.  She went through this phase for a month or two where she was scared of the damn FLOOR of our house and sometimes out in public.  We were walking around Old Navy this one time and she starts screaming MOMMY! MOMMY!  LAY-EE BUG! because there was a tag on the floor or something and clothing tags totally look like bugs...  Anyway, so she basically has a seizure if a fly lands on the chair she's sitting on, and would probably die instantly if a bug actually came into contact with her.  Where does she get this from?

I mentioned in my first post that I don't get why people aren't more afraid of bugs.  I mean, bugs themselves aren't scary.  I once held a tarantula in my bare hand, and one of those giant palm-sized cockroaches (sick), and I wasn't really that freaked out.  What I'm more concerned about are those bugs that live in my house and move really fucking fast and disappear easily.  HOW am I supposed to know that bug didn't disappear into my pants if I can't see it anymore?  And what if it crawls into my crotch and lays eggs and I give birth to a bunch of little centipedes one day?  Or what if those weird dime-sized mutant ants at that cabin one time that were hanging out in the bathroom had crawled up in my butt while I was on the pot?!  OMFG.  THIS is why I can't handle the sight of bugs.  Because they fit in small holes and crevices and I happen to have lots of holes and crevices on my body.

Anyway, so back to Violet being scared of bugs.  I made the mistake of freaking out about a bug in front of her ONE time, and not even that big of a freak out, I think I just scooped her up real quick and was like "ohmuhgod bug ew" and ran to the other room.  A few months later she went through the "bugs = suicide" phase and I have been soooooo careful to never show her my bug fear, and I'm pretty positive I've been successful!  So again, where does she get this bug fear from?

Me still.  But not because I scream ANT in front of her.  The poor child inherited my overactive imagination, and this is how I know.  I'm at the sink today washing some dishes, and Violet starts screaming.  EEEEEE!  FWY!  A FWY!  EEEEEE AHHHHHHHHH!  I calmly tell her, without turning around, "it didn't even touch you Violet, it's ok, flies won't hurt you, you're ok," etc.  But then I start thinking.  What if it DID touch her and what if she's NOT ok?  No, that's crazy talk, flies can't hurt people!  But what if it's a GIANT fly?  Like a horsefly bit her?  Or what if... all of a sudden I couldn't breathe or move or anything, because I was so friggin scared there was a man bug behind me.  Like in that movie The Fly, remember how creepy that was?!  But this wasn't an ordinary Fly Man.  For some reason I actually thought to myself "What if I turn around and there's a damn RuPaul-sized bug standing up on its back two legs about to slit my throat?!?!"... yeah, like there's this giant roach walking around in a push up, with its penis tucked between its legs, tossin around heel daggers or something.  I have no idea why the combination of RuPaul and a bug scares me so much, but it took me a minute before I could finally force my head around, and I still winced at my big black scary refrigerator.

I wonder how Violet pictures bugs.  I think Swiper is the only "villain" she knows of, so maybe she sees bugs with bushy tails and eye masks trying to steal her "damn" crackers as she calls them.  Or, she's scared of chairs too... I can kinda see how she could confuse a bug for a tiny walking chair.  Hm.  Anyway, hopefully she's not haunted by The Light Fish and The Pooping Babies (I'll explain - another blog post, another day) for her entire childhood the way I was.

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