And I just had an epiphone because of a hairball on the bath tub ledge.
ALL Satan wanted was a little kitty cat! But because it's my understanding that all you have to do is believe in ol Jeebus to get into Heaven, and because his precious little LucyFur (that would obviously be his cat's name) doesn't even have a soul and also can't believe in anything but cans of tuna, they had to part ways. So he was like "Screw this God guy or whatever his name is, he won't notice if I sneak Lucy in" but God DID notice because he is allergic as shit to cats (HENCE why he started Earth so all the animal lovers could visit their pets for 80 years or so, but Satan didn't want to just visit dangit, he wanted an ETERNITY of kitty meows and purrs and kneading dough on his back [oh that does sound nice]), and so God was like "GTFO SATAN" and so began the story of the Bible.
So at least between lightening beam back whips in Hell I'll have a soft little Molly (my childhood furball) to rub my skinless hands over. So that's cool.
Hi, I'm Sarah Mclachlan. Will you save an innocent puppy from those animal hatin angels?